In Janice (Ginny) Redish's Letting Go of the Words: Writing Web Content That Works, she states that good web writing is, above all else, three things: it's like a conversation, it answers people's questions, and it lets people grab and go (p. 4). Since this conversation is static -- that is, that a designer's end of the conversation cannot change for each new user -- it is imperative that the content be in a tone appropriate for most (if not all) users, and it gives them the information they seek easily and effectively.
With these concepts in mind, I'm embarking on an analysis of several pages on the Oxnard Public Library's website, and -- if necessary -- rewriting the content based on principles presented by Redish. Afterward, we'll look at a few pages that are written well, and identify what it is about those pages that works.
For each of the examples, a screenshot has been included which you can click to see larger notations on good, bad, or neutral content. These have been formatted similar to the way Redish has presented them in her book. Also, URLs have been provided to the original pages.
For each of the examples, a screenshot has been included which you can click to see larger notations on good, bad, or neutral content. These have been formatted similar to the way Redish has presented them in her book. Also, URLs have been provided to the original pages.
First, let's complain.
Borrower Services
Original Version
For the first of the bad examples, I've decided to start with the worst (to, you know, get it out of the way). The Borrower Services page on OPL's site is BEAST. Weighing in at a mind-numbing 765 words, It contains all sorts of information -- who can borrow, how much they can borrow, what the limitations on borrowing are, and what the fines for late returns are -- and none of it is clearly arranged in any sort of order. It is worth noting that there is a very well designed table at the bottom of the page that shows items, their respective loan periods, renewal options, and associated late fees. However, this information comes at the very end, and some of that information is already covered at length in the preceding WALL O' TEXT.
Revised Version
Here the beast has been beaten down -- we went from 765 to 635 words (135 are tied up in the table still at the bottom). The information has been sorted and placed under headings that present questions that site users on the Borrower Services page are likely to be asking. I'm sure, given time (and a consultation with the city's legal department regarding what must stay on the page) this could be shortened even further. For now, though, it has been broken down into much more Grab and Go style chunks. If you'd like to see how the entire page has been rewritten, you can view a PDF of the layout.
Local History
Original Version
In comparison to the Borrower Services page, this Local History page is much lower on the eye-melting scale. There's a lot less text, which makes it far more manageable. Unfortunately, what little text there is is either nonsensical (e.g. it points to links in positions where no links exist) or the layout is poorly executed (e.g. giant image, centered text, weak table, etc.). As it stands, this page creates more questions than it answers.
Revised Version
Here sense has been made and order restored! Embedded links have been included rather than directing users to spots on the page (e.g. " click on the top button on the left"). An area clearly illustrating the options, and reasoning, for setting up an appointment has been made. Finally, headers have been added to outline basic options and the table has been redesigned to A) look better and B) not confuse anyone as to what it means. If you'd like to see how the entire page has been rewritten, you can view a PDF of the layout.
Teenscape: Real Life
Original Version
If I were a teenager visiting the Teenscape's Real Life, I'd think that the library was trying to tell me two things about my future as an adult: 1. that "real life" is incredibly confusing, and 2. that it is full of deception.
Why? Well because this Real Life page is conveying both of these things; the pages is full of links that do not look like links (they're neither blue nor underlined) and the texts that accompanies them is either too vague or misleading.
Also, the page opens with the library giving a mini-lecture. Everything about this page seems designed to ensure that teenagers do not want to deal with the library (I don't need to hear this) or will find information elsewhere (why is this so confusing?).
Revised Version
Here the teen experience has been demystified (at least as far as this page is concerned -- we can only do so much). Links are now clearly links and what they link to has been explained rather than just tossing out random titles. Additionally, there is no longer a lengthy lecture at the opening, and the page is no longer trying to overly hard to empathize with users (it was obviously forced and teens can smell that nonsense a mile away). The categories of links have also be reordered based on the likelihood of what users might need more often (e.g. homework help over, say, searching for a scholarship). If you'd like to see how the entire page has been rewritten, you can view a PDF of the layout.
And now for something entirely different...
With all the bad out of the way, lets take a look at a page or two that are written well, and identify what it is about those pages that works.
Kids Zone: Great Websites
Good stuff!
The Great Websites page within the Kids' Zone section of the library's site is everything that I believe the Real Life page was supposed to be, but wasn't. It's a page full of links, yes, but they're clearly links and they've been accompanied by meaningful text that explains what the links are.
Further enhancing the Great Websites page's well-writtenness is the fact that the links have been subdivided under categorical headings, making it easy to differentiate between links related to Science and links related to Music. The only complaint I really have about this page is that the text for those categorical headings is the same color, size and weight as the page title.
Library Events
Anything you want, you got it.
I have to say, I love this Library Events page. Love. It. It has a ton of information on it, but all of that information belongs there and it's been broken down into easily find-able and digestible chunks. It's as though I am a baby bird and the library is my mama. (I realize I'm getting a little loopy here, but I've been working on this post for the past eight hours).
If I want teen events only, I don't even have to look down the page -- I can just click at the top and those are given to me. If I missed those links, I can click the little blue TEENS icon and it will also sort that for me. Further, the events are clearly labeled as to where they are, when they are, and what they consist of. Important information (e.g. that the library is closed on an upcoming holiday) is also given to me right near the top. Brilliant.
I must now also confess that my neutral face on the above graphic is slightly misleading -- after further testing I realized that you could click on a date and the list below would return results only for that date. It's a great feature, so the calendar does, in fact, add something to the page. Unfortunately nothing is there to tell me I can do that, which is why I missed it the first time. Perhaps making it smaller and explaining how it works would be helpful.
But wait, there's more!
I hope you've enjoyed this analysis, and I also hope I've done Redish right by applying the principles she presented in Letting Go of the Words both appropriately and effectively (and for stealing those little smiley faces). Those principles aren't overly complicated and (seem) relatively easy to implement. Unfortunately, it's very easy to err toward what one wants to present on a web site rather than what users want to get from a web site.
References
Redish, J. (2007). Letting go of the words: Writing web content that works. Amsterdam ; Boston: Elsevier/Morgan Kaufmann Publishers.
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